Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Lord Waygood's Christmas Message

The Editors of The Waygood would like to present this, the first and inaugural Chrismas message, from Lord Waygood. We understand that the Christmas period has well and truly expired, so we offer this address as a yuleogy.

Dear Readers,

I hope you all have had a Christmas and New Year, as I recommend them thoroughly.

I cannot begin to understand what sort of festive season many of you have enjoyed, as I suffer from an unfortunate lack of Extra Sensory Perception (E.S.J.) (sic). So, in an effort to enrich the knowledge of the populace, I will relate my own yuletide experience.

Christmas, through the perpetuality of the calendar, has become an annual event for us here at Waygood Manor, with the midday meal forming the centerpiece of the celebration. Despite the disfortunation of living in the colonies, the comestibles department of Waygood Manor was able to procure the ingredients required for the traditional 12 course Christmas luncheon. Whilst the partridge in pear tree faggots and the seven swans a swimming à la Bourgogne were gastronomical highlights, the nine ladies dancing were a little pink and required more basting. In conclusion, dessert.

As global warming grips the earth’s climate and forces us to enjoy more gin and tonic right through winter, I have spent much of the scorching Australian Summer soaking for long periods in the bath-tub. Unfortunately, Melbourne’s ongoing water restrictions have forced me for another year to bathe in chilled vintage champagne. Krug’s Clos de Mesnil 1990 was this season’s choice. Scoff you might, but let me say, not only does this keep one’s dermal pores clean, I recommend it as the fastest way to fill a glass when friends drop ‘in’.

I understand that many of you have noticed the long absence since the last published edition of The Waygood, and for that I sincerely apologise. As it is unprofessional as it is to lay blame, I will not be mentioning George Smythe-Dembleton-Smythe, who has recently had his contract terminated. I will however offer my warmest wishes to him and his family during the ‘holiday’ period.

Notwithstanding much of the last month spent in Clos(ver), I have done well to finally complete my doctoral thesis. Only yesterday a telegram arrived informing me that my PhD in Drapery at Curtin University has been well received by the British Government. Not only by the Department of Home Affairs, may I say, but by the Interior Minister himself. With any luck, an opportunity to redecorate number 10 Downing Street will be shortly forthcoming. The Editors here at The Waygood have for some time hinted at me taking up off-shore employment, maybe they’ll give me those concrete shoes they’ve promised as a farewell gift!

And for those of you that are interested, a cheese sandwich is often made with cheese.

Yours Beknowestingly,

Lord W. Waygood, PhD, AO, MBE, RaCV.
Lord Waygood over-commits himself to many just causes, one of which is the Uncyclopedia. Similar to Wikipedia, yet far more factual, the Lord has contributed the following entries.

2 Comments:

At 5:41 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waygood,
nice to hear you had a good christmas.

 
At 7:07 am, Blogger SammyD said...

The view from here in London is that Christmas was well received, and as such, we hope to repeat the event at around the same time next year.

Tickety boo,

s

 

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